How do you know if you have ever been in love? A lot of people would argue, that while being in love with somebody is non-tangible, there is no doubt in their mind that it exists. The reality is, if you’re questioning if you are in love, then you are most definitely not.

For me, falling in love with somebody is a choice made based on the successful matching of an individual’s own predetermined criteria or needs and wants.

I went to meet friends at a bar and there I saw HIM for the first time. I did an instant terminator scan:

Height: Close to 6 feet tall. MATCH.

Build: Not very skinny, not too fat, not too buff. MATCH.

Hair: Short dark brown. Not too much like David Beckham. MATCH.

Complexion: Dark olive. MATCH.

Lips: Full. MATCH.

Smile: Oh my God. MATCH.

Eyes: Big, brownish, expressive, with lengthy thick lashes. MATCH!

Stance: Gentle, not cocky. MATCH.

Nationality: Clearly foreign, probably Brazilian. MATCH.

With the terminator glasses still firmly planted on my face, the confirmed Brazilian was able to move onto the second part of phase one: interaction.

This is frequently the most fatal part of any prospective relationship, since each sentence uttered, every look given, and every action is put through the filter of the terminator glasses. Any miss-match could lead to premature relationship death.

Very little is forgiven during this part, particularly if one’s program is set at ‘long term mate’. In saying this, it can be also my favorite part of the process as it is the most fun. I see it as a game we both know we’re playing, but won’t acknowledge as existing.

Phase two, ‘the rose colored glasses’ phase, is really dangerous and not normally approached with caution by either candidate. Depending on the impact of stage 1, bombs warning ‘relationship doom’ might be dropped right in front of one’s eyes, yet getting let go un-noticed. Everything appears and is, invariably, utterly workable.

Regardless of my cynicism, this stage is defiantly far more exciting than the terminator phase, albeit being laced with the fear of it all ending. The premature ‘I love you’ could escape ones mouth, dropping like a ball onto a roulette table. The stakes are high, however it could also really well pay off and pass you onto stage three.

My encounter with stage 3 is that I normally realize Mr. Perfect is human. I refrain from accepting him just the way he is, and try to point out where he is lacking. This naturally does not lead him to change his ways, but firmly ground himself in them.

Folks claim at this point that they have ‘fallen out of love’. My reason is that they were never in love in the first place. One of my favorite movies, ‘Moulin Rouge’, melodically states, “The greatest thing you will ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return”. 

I think this is what we think being in love is all about.  Yet being loved in return implies that there’s a condition to your giving love. So romantic love is conditional love. If romantic love only goes one-way, it is termed unrequited love as well as ‘desperate’.

What if I stated that true love can only be unconditional? And inside of that, true love can only mean 100% approval of the subject, just the way they are and just the way they’re not. What if love, true love, is just loving?

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